The Real Me (*modified Sept 14, 2024)
Inspired by HBO’s “Sex and the City”
Season 4, Ep 2 “The Real Me”
when I grow up, I wanna be miley cyrus… wait I’m already old😂🔥
Prologue
Alter Ego: I finally got to come out. Look how good I look putting on lipstick. You look so gross and sweaty when you have your scrubs on. Especially that hair always looks like you got electrocuted.
Me: It’s hard to keep up with beauty. Always having to do maintenance. You should know that.
Alter Ego: I have a question for you. What do you fear Veronica? Why do you look worried or angry all the time?
Me: Dude…. Mind your business. You may live inside my heart but you hardly seen. Okay fine. I don’t fear anything in particular ANYMORE except the unknown. I’m not angry. That is just my face. My resting b- face. I’ve had it all my life. My mom has it and I got it from her. It’s intimidating but I’m honestly not like that. I do fear God. Why do you care?
Alter Ego: I live inside your heart because I am you. You have kept me trapped inside. Why do you fear God?
Me: He is the only one that knows my destiny and is in control of everything. The world is pretty brutal. I was born for a reason. I already learned so much. But there is more. Way more.
Alter Ego: All you can do is Trust God. It is inside you. My spirit and personality are like women (the title characters) from Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion. Just living day and to day without any ounce of worry and unapologetically being myself. Walking around and standing tall while blowing bubblegum bubbles.
Me: Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion? That movie was so bad but good. Speaking of reunions, I graduated 10 years ago from high school. Don’t you forget. Since you were trying to feed me advice, you know one of the best pieces of advice I taught myself?
Alter Ego: You mean what I taught you? That is what you got out of this? Wow… you are old. Okay what?
Me: You can’t fix stupid. You can’t fix those who have a continuous pattern of hurting others. But you can fix yourself.
The “NO’S” mean nothing. Keep going and do what you feel is right.
To my Pretty Paper Readers, Customers, and Friends,
The official day start date of the website was the same day JLO released her new album, “This is Me … Now” and her Prime Video movie. It just worked that way. It was not intentional. It was God. So insane! I took it as a sign. I became increasingly excited about the whole project. It definitely gassed me up. Jlo’s fierce and unapologetic beauty inspired me. I have always been a huge fan of Jlo. She is a triple threat: singer, dancer, and actress. If you follow me on social media, you can see how much I adore Jennifer as an artist and human being. I ordered the album on Amazon on the release day. Of course it is available on Apple Music and other streaming services. It is a different feeling when you hold a CD and look at the booklet. The album had no ordinary layout. It is special and masterfully crafted. Some of my favorites include “not.going.anywhere.” and “Hearts and Flowers” 🤎🥀 This masterpiece connected with me deeply because it’s similar to my journey of self acceptance. It is a deeply honest and personal album about accepting yourself, wanting to be loved by the love of your life, and self confidence. Some of us including me are searching for those things but it’s God who has control over the timing. It is about learning from “then” and celebrating “now”. The title itself “This is Me… Now” says it all. That is the overall theme of pretty paper. Pretty Paper celebrates past successes, past rejections, past fails and knowing there will be plenty more.This project of mine is personal, creative, and diverse. Pretty Paper is not just a personalized invitations + stationery business for birthdays, corporate gatherings, baby showers, bridal showers, weddings, holiday parties, etc. Pretty Paper is also a lifestyle blog (personal essays, pretty paper gift guide, pretty paper watchlist, pretty paper playlists). It is catered to adult women but can definitely appeal to more.
Carrie Bradshaw always started her articles with “I couldn’t help but wonder…..”. Well, I couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if I wasn’t so naive in my early 20’s. Would my friendships be different? I’m nearly 30 and I look back at some of my actions in my “personal life” the last couple years. I cringe. It’s embarrassing. I made some stupid decisions and a lot of time was wasted. I felt terrible. I went off on people I looked up to. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was trying to find myself. I know I am too much for a lot of people. I am either restricted and/or blocked on their phone. It still hurts. I try to reconnect. I just get tired of trying and trying because it is never enough. The world is very unforgiving. They have know idea who I truly am. I wish they knew “The Real Me”. It is difficult to swallow but that’s how life is. I’m not perfect. I am full of imperfections. Aren’t we all? We all try to fight demons inside but we can only just live life everyday knowing there is a new chance to start over.
It’s about time I said my story. Not that anyone cares but I feel free. Like the kind of feeling I get when I look and listen to Miley Cyrus. Her energy is liberating, raw, and honest. She is such a bad b-. I love her because isn’t afraid to show the good and the bad. I feel society spent so much time “slut shaming” her during her Bangerz era. People go through phases and she was young. It wasn’t my favorite era of hers but going through different eras in your life and career makes you the person you are today. It just happens she is a celebrity and the whole world is judging you. I like the fact she played a character named “Veronica” in Nicholas Sparks’s “The Last Song”. (Laughs) What?? That was a good movie for real. Not many Veronica’s are around.
Essay
Is this my own “60 Minutes” special?
The picture of me in the sparkly pink blazer, I have a lot to say about it (laughs) . My sister Brianna agreed to be the photographer. She has insane skills. I can’t thank her enough. If anyone needs pictures taken, Brianna has a rigorous schedule. She is about to be an RN but she will get you in. The pics were taken the last week of January at GingerBirdie Studios located at West End. A district located in downtown Winston- Salem. I had a lot of coffee and Mountain Dew that day!! (Laughs) The studio layout was “Legally Blonde”, “Barbie”, and Sofia Coppola ‘s Marie Antoinette in one place. It was intoxicatingly beautiful. There was this Barbie Photo Booth. I was thinking about this scene in “Barbie” where Barbie (played by Margot Robbie) is crying because she says she isn’t pretty enough. I was like in the theater, are you freaking kidding me? Are you for real? What does that make me? Wait, this is a movie. Anyways back to the pics… A local Mount Airy hairstylist who is my sisters and my friend Alexis Michelle Cave dyed my hair. She did a bunch of things to make it look like that. Alexis is so cool. I’m so grateful she agreed to do my hair. We have become good friends. I still love a good “minimalist” aesthetic and Courtney… I’m about writing everything with lowercase letters (laughs) but if pink is involved, I’ll take it. “Pretty Paper” caters to multiple aesthetics. This photoshoot worked out well because it was decorated for Valentine’s Day. I bought that $100 Kendra Scott heart ring for like $45 a few months ago. I felt guilty but a baller at the same time man. I could have used that $45 for groceries but I just love a good deal so I’m gonna justify it. It’s not like you can get much for $45 anyway in this economy. My wardrobe in the many eras I’ve had has never been “plush”. How could I forget?…. I looked like the color of a traffic cone when I got home. How can I erase the thought of me knowing I’m sweaty with the smell of urine and number two several times a week? That hasn’t changed. Beauty is pain and time consuming. I’m just glad I don’t have a mustache. That’s been taken care of.
As I’m writing this essay, I’m listening to music on my Apple Music playlist. The song “Out of Time” (Strings Version) By: The Rolling Stones is playing. That song is special. You get the full effect listening to it with AirPods. I instantly think of a wedding that ends in disaster: When I think of weddings, the opening scene of “My Best Friends Wedding” comes to mind. You know…. The bride and her bridesmaids singing “Wishin and Hopin” with a pink screen background. I know… it is so cheesy. The opening is a classic and really charming. The wedding day starts with all smiles and rainbows. Then the song turns the narrative around.
That song just reminds of the modern day bride walking down the aisle on her wedding day and the guy she is gonna marry leaves her at the altar. She starts to cry and the tears covered in mascara drips down her face. The bride runs out of the church and walks the streets. Everyone walking by is staring. Cars are beeping at her. Keep in mind she is in that heavy wedding dress. “I can’t breathe” she says. The piercing sound of grandpa's old antenna tv on the channel that doesn’t exist screamed at me. A panic attack is about to implode her body. The kind of panic attack she felt when she was scared to speak. Always scared to speak because of the consequences that would prevail . So she texts and texts like crazy her true words which annoyed the shit out of people and became too much for them. She wasn’t stupid. She knew. All her nerves and deepest thoughts came crumbling down. A gas station is visibly around the corner. She runs towards it. The cashier gives her a free beer. The cashier is scratching his head and sees a bride in his store. Why? He can see that she has a broken heart. As she drinks the beer, and walks the streets, she thinks about how effed up that was but this situation means so much more. The woman rips the useless extra ruffles on her dress that are itching her. She just throws them on the floor. She takes off her heels and carries them. The woman finds herself at a park and it starts to rain. She lays on the grass laughing and crying of relief. We live through many eras of our lives. This era of hers is done. She is “out of time”. The woman decided it’s time to move on. They say when one door closes, another one opens. But first, there is some unfinished business that belongs in the slammer found trapped in a peephole within her soul. I blame the hypocrisy, the unnecessary patterns of cruelty, and just plain idiotic behavior that can creep in our own little world. If you don’t open your eyes, it will consume you.
Interpret as you wish. If you have ever seen “Kill Bill Vol I & 2, this woman (the modern day bride) I’ve been rambling about is very similar to “the bride” in Kill Bill. The lethal bride to be exact. The difference between “The Bride” in Kill Bill and this modern day bride doesn’t have a daughter yet. She hopes to one day feel her daughter kicking her stomach and living rent free. Why a “daughter”? The bride just has this intense instinct inside her that believes the baby will be a girl. I mean she can be completely wrong and the baby is a boy. Either way that baby will be loved. So loved. How soon will she meet her? For now, just keep in the back of your mind this one thing: “the bride” is coming. You will never know if and when she will appear. HER soul is “revived” again and again. That is the nature of the power inside her.
Oh wait. Let me introduce myself….
Hey everyone! My name is Veronica Fernandez. I am from Charlotte, NC. I still get called “kid”. Deep down I really am. There is one memory as a kid I will never forget. I think it was 2002 or 2003, I had a Lilo and Stitch birthday party. I invited my classmates. My best friend at the time lived next to my other best friend who was a boy. He was literally “the boy next door”. He was my best friend. I had such a crush on him. We were also in the same class. So since they live next to each other, he was supposed to ride with her to my party. She showed up without him. He was at the house. I WAS PISSED. I threw a fit!! I said can you go get him to my friend's ride. I don’t know why it didn’t happen. Let me tell you if I was older, I wouldn’t have let it slide. I cried at my own party because my crush didn’t come see me. This could have been avoided. My mom and dad literally had to calm me down. She totally did that on purpose! I thought about it and she may have liked him too. I’m convinced! (laughs) I was so mad. My 1st grade crush wrote all over my yearbook with flirty things about me and I was his best friend. It was the sweetest. Those were the days.
Let’s fast forward 7 years later!
At the age of 14, I earned my black belt in taekwondo. I trained for a few years. They made me do a 3 mile run and I remember feeling like I was gonna pass out on the sidewalks of Charlotte. That was part of the test then do the demos later. I did gymnastics and soccer when I was little. When I look at old pictures, I question how I was able to bend so well and demonstrate with audiences. Nobody believes me. Why would I lie about something like that? I have pictures and my belt in a special box with my name on it. I felt like one of the angels in the 2000 movie Charlie’s Angels, not the show from the 70’s. I was a little thin firecracker and was laser focused those years. What happened? Life happened. The awkward stages happened.
I grew up in Florida until the age of 11 then moved to Charlotte, NC. I earned a Bachelor's Degree in Communication from Queens University of Charlotte in 2018. I moved to Mount Airy Summer 2019. How do I describe Mount Airy? A small town where everyone knows each other. Going back to 2013-2014, It was my senior year of high school. I would stay after school and sweep, mop, and take the trash out of the classrooms. It wasn’t what the kids were doing but it taught me to hustle. I had no reputation to lose. I just needed money. I have worked in a factory packaging socks for a few dollars. I’ve worked in the food business for years.
I’ve worked at Chipotle, McDonalds, Wendy’s, and my longest streak was at Chick Fil- A.
I truly believe “Timing” is everything. There is this episode of “Shark Tank '' where this lady pitched this product called “The Skinny Mirror”. I had a problem with that product. When you look in that specific mirror in the dressing room, you see a skinny version of yourself in whatever you are wearing. In reality, what I’m seeing in the mirror is not real. That “false hope” I am looking at. You go home to a regular mirror and what you see being marketed isn’t real. That “disappointment” is what I felt for so long. I needed to change my life.
I went to a CNA Nursing class in Surry Community College. I passed the class, the state Written exam, and the state Skills demonstration. I am a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA). I worked at Novant Health Forsyth Medical Center for 10 Months in the Neuro/Stroke Unit. I had to really think about what I wanted to do for 2024 while pursuing my side business at the same time. I wanted to revamp for many reasons. I was definitely aiming for a clean crisp look. I also wanted to provide a stationery service that I feel I can do well and manage the time correctly so I had to make some difficult decisions. I had to rethink my original plans like working at the Mother/Baby Unit. I decided to leave the hospital environment. I dedicate my time by doing CNA work at a hospice facility and a Private Retirement community part time. Aside from healthcare, I have other interests. I am in love with stationery and “Shark Tank”. During my senior year of college, I submitted a television script to NYU Tisch School of the Arts. I wanted to study screenwriting tv series, films, and music videos. One of my college professors was my advocate and even wrote me a letter of recommendation. My senior thesis was about the rise of female led films. In my presentation, I showed clips of hilarious scenes from strong female actresses to the class and they laughed so hard at the R rated humor. My professor was laughing. This wasn’t high school. We were college kids so all the humor was relatable. I’ll never forget that. Keep in mind this was 2017-2018 . In that time period, the lord blessed us with “Girls Trip”, “Oceans 8”, “I Feel Pretty”, “Wonder Woman”, “A Simple Favor”, “Rough Night”, The Spy Who Dumped Me”. Those are just a few. That thesis did not age well! Literally every film after 2018 is about superheroes, cartoons, talking animals, some worldly disaster, and films we never heard of that get awarded. I love writing comedy and how we can tie it to the pain we live and breathe. I didn’t get in! If I did, my life would be different. God had other plans. I had so much fun writing it. It was about a 20 something year old girl named Maggie who works at a magazine who is a hot mess. The character's idea of fantasizing about a Clive Owen type of British dude as her lover was part of a running joke even to her. She would make jokes to her friend about wanting a butt like Jlo’s (laughs) I reread it often. I would make some changes now but it was cool to see what I was thinking in 2018. My inspiration came from two films and a tv show: Amy Schumer’s 2015 film “Trainwreck”, Drew Barrymore’s 1999 film “Never Been Kissed”, “Sex and the City”, and “Ally McBeal”. I binged watched “Ally McBeal” and “Sex and the City” for hours. These shows were groundbreaking for women. I saw myself in Ally. Everyone wants to be Carrie Bradshaw and have friends like Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte! I honestly think nobody has ever really been able to create shows like those for this generation. After I didn’t get in, I just lost my confidence. I knew it was extremely difficult to get in. I didn’t want to write. Several years later, I have just regained my confidence with writing again. It’s something special to me. It was my secret sauce. I get to step out of the real world and control the characters around me. I believe that was the missing puzzle piece (that aha moment) as to why I went from college to food business so quickly. I needed something else to do. I would love to submit another script in the future to the right people. I have had many ideas in my head the last few years. I would love to write a television script about a woman who is the first female Latina basketball coach to be hired in the NBA for men’s basketball. She would get this love/hate relationship from the men on the team but eventually respect her. Her aggressive demeanor while they are practicing and during games and her knowledge surprises them and it whips them into shape. I’m aware there have been female assistant coaches in the NBA but this is another level. The repercussions, the brutality, the controversy, the animosity of that subject that would prevail is so groundbreaking to me. A really bad B- I would have to create. The idea for the script came when I was listening to “Super Freak” By: Rick James, and some 50 cent. (Laughs). OK… listen, I explore all kinds of music! I have a wild imagination but I enjoy writing. I look at the women leading Hollywood and they have their own production companies. Ex: Emma Stone founded “Fruit Tree”. Drew Barrymore founded “Flower Films”. Margot Robbie and her husband Tom Ackerley founded “LuckyChap”. Jennifer Lawrence founded “Excellent Cadaver”. That level is a whole other ball game for Christ sake. I think it is fascinating how they choose to have creative control and pursue the project they see as being successful. If not, those projects wouldn’t be under their wing. To start off small, I wish to have a writing/ producing partner AT LEAST. I would need a person who understands sports management for that particular script. Since January, I’ve locked myself in a room and have written things out but that idea and vision has been inside me for years . I have also played with the idea of writing a biopic for professional golf player “Lizette Salas”. Why her? There aren't many professional athletes that look like me! I would also like to write a modern day “Pretty Woman”. The original is really special. Julia Roberts is mesmerizing for just being herself. She has the best giggle. It is impossible to get a script read by someone who can help you in that industry. Aside from healthcare, script writing, and food business, I invest my time in my hobby. I was never one of those girls who wanted to go shopping for clothes. As a child, I ran to the office section and begged my mom and dad for a notebook and pens. They would say to me countless times and even to this day, “you have a bunch already”. You can never have too much! I have a deep passion for stationery goods. I decided to rebrand with the help of Creatives By Courtney. I had seen her work for "Livin with MB", "State of Graze", “Kate’s Cocktail Lounge” and what she contributes to the ladies of "Women Owned NC", just to name a few. I can tell the ladies who founded Women Owned NC have worked hard for their dreams. I want to be like them when I grow up (laugh). It’s a tough world out there. For years, people have given up on me whether it’s to my face and behind the scenes. It broke me severely. It took me a while to recover. A lot of it was turning to God because he is in control. I ’m sure those women had stories like that. There is a lot of sacrifice and confidence that goes into what they do. I was blown away by your portfolio. I was like I have to contact this woman. I needed to rebrand. It is extremely difficult to get up and continue to try everyday and continue to do CNA work. I have a deeper admiration for reaching out to the community and helping them with special projects and lifestyle needs. Help me support my business in this new era.